Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
