Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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