I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
