I am in a vortex of obligation.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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