Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So many bounce houses so little time
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
