Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
