the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
