woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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