This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is it penis luge time yet?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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