Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
