I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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