You can't special order awesome
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
