So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She bit a glass in half.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
