Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
