so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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