Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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