you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
