And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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