Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
