he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
