Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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