and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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