Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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