i used baking grease as lip gloss
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
