oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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