I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
