the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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