How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My dick has a subreddit
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
