I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
