I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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