How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
