So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
