Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
