this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
