I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So vagazzling was a success
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
soo... how was my night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
