You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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