and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
