been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
