I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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