just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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