i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize