I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
