Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
