I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
