bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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