There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The uberlube is also flammable
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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