Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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