you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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