That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
