You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
