True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
