hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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