Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
