I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
