shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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