I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
