Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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