I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
