I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
