One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
