You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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