bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
