My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
