I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
