hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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