i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
its not stalking. its research.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
