my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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