Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i drank out of a bidet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
